Whenever the month of May rolls around, I don’t think of how wonderful the weather seems to be; not too hot, not too cold, but just right. I don’t think of how school has just gotten out for many kids, and that summer has finally arrived. I don’t even think about May being the perfect time for growth and new beginnings. When I think of May, I think about pink bleeding hearts nestled along the side of an old house with its peeling white paint revealing just how much it has been lived in. Why, might you ask? I guess it could be about April showers bringing May flowers. But truth be told, those simple pink flowers have much more of a significant meaning to me.

Pink has been my favorite color for pretty much my whole life. I mean, what’s not to love? It portrays passion, kindness, happiness, and to me, a sense of calmness. I try to wear a little bit of it everyday so that I can hold on to its presence. You can probably see where I am going with this by now – pink represents something far greater than a color for me. It represents a person. A very important person in my life who shaped me into who I am today. She inspired me, cared for me, laughed with me, and most importantly, loved me beyond measure. She is someone who I think about during good days and bad. My Grandma Mary was one of the best things to ever happen to me. She is also one of my biggest regrets. That statement is a bit confusing, but let me give you some perspective first.

Background

My Grandma Mary was born in 1924 and lived most of her life in Northern Wisconsin. She lived a simple but hard-working life and married my Grandpa Willy – who I unfortunately never got the chance to meet since he passed away before I was born (speaking of Grandpa Willy, I’ve been told that some of my athletic ability was passed down from him!). They had six children, one of them being my dad. When my dad was just 11 years old, Grandpa Willy passed away from a brain tumor. As you and I both can imagine, it must have been devastating. Furthermore, my Grandma was suddenly left alone to raise their children and provide for them. Not only did she do just that, but she did it with hard work, grace, kindness, and humility. She emulated these personal values as the local school’s librarian and as a grandmother in her later life where I was blessed enough to witness this firsthand. I was fascinated by how she could go through so much hardship in life and yet still be a radiant light who showed love to all who she met. I was also intruiged by the color pink. Pink was her absolute favorite color, she wore it all the time. She, along with my sister and I, would help her plant those pink bleeding hearts along with other pink flowers alongside her house every year.

My Grandma Mary passed away on November 7th, 2010 after being diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease a few years prior to this. As a 14 year old girl, I was just beginning to find my love of basketball. I was just beginning to realize what I wanted to do with my life. I was just beginning to realize my world was about to continue without my baking and gardening mentor, my arts and crafts teacher, my best friend, my superhero, and my role model.

• 

• 

My regret has never been about whether I had a an off game, a tough loss, or missing out on some opportunity. My regret is that she never got to see me grow into the person and woman I am today. I wish she could have watched me play my heart out at Iowa. I wish she could see my love for this game. I wish she could have been the first person I talked to after my WNBA dreams were cut short. But honestly, I would give up basketball in a heartbeat if it meant I could see her again. Off the court, I have strived to emulate her kindness, her compassion, and her humility. I wish she could see how my love for the Lord truly came from my love for her. If any of you as readers can relate to losing a loved one, I would like to point you in the direction of Romans 8:18 –> “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” I really find this verse comforting when going through difficult times because what we go through here on Earth will never compare to the eternal joy that we will have once all of us are reunited with our Father in Heaven!

Bunny Girl

As tough as this has been to write about, I don’t want the remembrance of my Grandmother to be sad because she is worthy of the happiest of memories. One of those memories has to be whenever she called me her bunny girl. She started calling me that when I was really little because apparently I was a very happy-go-lucky child who enjoyed bouncing around with lots of energy! The name stuck, and even into her latest stages of Alzheimers when everything else was fading, she called me her bunny girl. I also encourage any of you who have lost someone to try and immerse yourself in good memories of them because that loved one would want you to be the happiest version of yourself!

Looking Ahead

It is been quite the journey since my Grandmother’s passing. Even though I wish she was still around, I know that she is in a much better place looking down and watching over me every single day. She has been with me through every accomplishment, every failure, every championship, every trial, and everything else in between. Even in my current situation of uncertainty, I can continue to wear the color pink and think of her old white house surrounded with bleeding heart flowers and know that everything is going to be okay.

This blog post is dedicated to Mary Louise Gustafson, my Grandmother. Miss you everyday.

Love,

Your Bunny Girl

Port Wing, Wisconsin. Population: 164. Unincorporated. If you were to drive up into the northernmost places in Wisconsin, you may run into this tiny town. But don’t blink because you might miss it. Tucked away under the protection of the biggest fresh water lake in the world, I would have to consider my hometown a hidden gem along the south shore of Lake Superior. Growing up here I spent most of my time ridding my bike with my sister and dad during the summers to either the outdoor basketball court by the town hall or at the local high school gym. When I wasn’t running around with a basketball in my hands, you could have probably caught me swimming in the waves at the Quarry Beach where my mom recalls bringing us several times a day. I wouldn’t trade coming from a small town for anything. I have learned that work ethic is a vital piece to success because nothing was ever given to me; I had to earn everything. Opportunities were tough to come by, but it was my family who helped open those doors. My parents used to drive me over three and a half hours one-way just to get to my AAU basketball program practices, along with driving me around the country to attend tournaments so I could get exposed to college coaches. There wasn’t enough girls for an eighth grade girls basketball team, so I joined the boys team. I am so thankful for my hometown background and family. Both have made me the player and more importantly the person I am today. Most importantly, however, is my faith in the Lord – being a Christian has been my identity and foundation since as long as I can remember, and no matter where I end up during my lifetime I know that He is always with me. Speaking of ending up somewhere, I was miraculously found by the University of Iowa Women’s basketball coaching staff who offered me full scholarship and I accepted at the end of my Junior year. Fast forward through my senior year and I headed straight from my high school graduation to a whole new part of the Midwest in order to start my college career.

Reflection

Whenever people would tell me that “time really flies by” I never really believed them. Until now. Four years later, and I can officially call myself a college graduate! It honestly feels like yesterday I was just a freshman in the dorms figuring out my way around campus. I have had so many amazing memories during my time here at Iowa; a foreign tour to Italy with my team, meeting my roommate/best friend, trying on an Iowa jersey for the first time, walking into my first lecture hall that had more people in it than my hometown, late night study sessions, visiting the Amana colonies, attending Iowa football games, yearly tropical Thanksgiving tournaments, decorating my apartment for Christmas, first NCAA tournament invite, summer workouts, an internship, a trip to Brazil and winning a Gold Medal while representing Athletes in Action/Team USA, chartering across the country while playing in one of the best conferences in women’s college basketball, a B1G Tournament Championship, Elite 8 appearance, getting drafted into the WNBA, and walking across the stage to receive my diploma. As I look back on my experience, I can’t help but be thankful for what has happened, grateful for my present situation, and hopeful for what the future holds. I am excited that I finally got around to sharing a little bit of my story from my perspective — and I hope that whoever is reading this will continue to follow along as I reflect on past experiences and how they have shaped me into the person I am today.

Trials and Tribulations

As I currently sit at my father’s writing desk back in my little hometown and away from the public eye (and let’s be honest, very far away from any kind of civilization at all), I can say that it is exciting and very easy for me to write about all the blessings and good things that have happened, but I know that it is even more important that I share some of the not-so-good parts in my life too. If any of you have heard about me, you have probably heard – or rather scrolled through social media – about my very recent experience with the WNBA. Upon getting drafted as the 17th overall pick to the Dallas Wings in early April, I spent the first three weeks of May in training camp working as hard as I possibly could to try and earn a spot on the opening night roster. Even though being in the WNBA has been a dream of mine since I was little, I can truly say that it was one of the hardest experiences that I have ever had to go through. Not knowing what will happen the next day, competing in a different and new position than what I was used to in college, and trying to keep my family and friends in the loop with how I thought things were going were just some of the things that I was trying to balance. I know that this not only took a toll on myself physically, mentally, and emotionally, but I also know that my family shared in those last two aspects 100%. Unfortunately, I was one of the last two players cut from the team less than 2 days before the opening game tip-off. To say that I am devastated is a big understatement, but I can also confirm that this has lit a new fire in me like NEVER before. I learned and improved so much in training camp, and I look forward to using this as motivation. As the sting of this new obstacle starts to dull, I can lean on the fact that God has everything perfectly planned out (Jeremiah 29:11) and I know that He will use this trial to make me into not only a better basketball player, but into a better person than I was before!

For those of you who have expressed your support, it means the world to me! I will write more about this experience in the near future, but for now I will just leave you all with this:

Don’t miss me too much WNBA, I’ll. be. back. This is just the beginning.